The Ten Commandments of Crafting by Amy Sedaris

I. Remember the crafting day, to keep it hobby.

II. Thou shalt not attempt crafting beyond thy intellectual capacity—a nitwit can’t knit

III.  Thou shalt not craft graven images of thy neighbor’s wife. 

IV. Thou shalt remember to replace the glue cap so the top of the bottle doesn’t dry out and then thou has to get a pin to poke a hole but they glue never really flows as well as it did before.

V. Thou shalt not fill envelopes with glitter and confetti and send them through the mail.

VI. Thou shalt remember that Popsicle stick crafts only have the illusion of being structurally sound.

VII. Thou shalt not force a mollusk out of its shell by boiling it alive but rather coax it out with a fork when making a shell necklace.

VIII. This craft book, which towers above all other craft books, is a jealous craft book. Though shalt have no other craft books before it.

IX. Remember to honor thy crafting and pastimes for they are a great way to get your mind off all the damage that thou parents did.

X. Though shall not covet thy neighbor’s crafts, even though those crafts look like they are supposed to, and thouist crafts resemble a random pile of yarn.  

2 years ago | 10:21pm
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  1. sour-plums posted this